


#4: "22 Short Stories About Furinkan"

by uragaaru



Series: You Know I Believe in Love [4]
Category: Ranma 1/2
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 09:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14952198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uragaaru/pseuds/uragaaru
Summary: There are many stories in the big city. These are some of the more inconsequential of them. No steamed hams were harmed in the making of this fic.





	#4: "22 Short Stories About Furinkan"

#4: 22 Short Stories About Furinkan

 

**Ranma & Akane**

Ranma and Akane were walking to school on day. It was actually a fairly calm morning all told, with only a small perfunctory argument over Ranma’s lack of modesty after falling into the pond during his morning sparring session. The currently male-bodied martial artist was walking on top of a wall parallel to the girl when he looked down and spoke.

“Hey, Akane?”

“What is it, Ranma?”

“Yaknow, I was thinkin’...”

“That’s a first,” Akane quipped.

“Ha ha, tomboy. But seriously, this is a pretty crazy town. I kinda wonder what other stuff goes on besides the craziness of my life...”

Akane smirked. “Finally realized the world doesn’t revolve around you, Ranma?”

Ranma gave an impish smile in return. “Well, I can’t lie, I’m the best at everything, but I can’t take all the credit. I wonder what else is going on?”

As they neared the school, Ranma was lost in thought only to be broken from his reverie by a splash of water.

“Dammit!” the red-haired martial artist proclaimed as the two walked towards school.

**The Uchimizu Lady**

Sachiko Nishimura, or “The Uchimizu Lady” as she was known to the youth of Furinkan, slipped a ghost of a smile as she finished her twice-daily uchimizu.

“Still got it, Sacchan,” she muttered to herself as she splashed her entrance a few more times and walked inside.

Inside her modest house, an old man sat on the tatami floor, reading a newspaper.

“Did you get him, dear?” the old man asked, eyes unmoving from his reading material.

“Yep, got her good.”

“That’s nice." he turned the page of his newspaper. "What about the Hibiki kid?”

“Little hellion wasn’t around today,” Sachiko replied, placing the bucket and ladle on a hook by the door. "I hope those two don't miss their boyfriend too much."

“You’re always out there like clockwork...” The old man smirked,  “I didn’t realize you still liked to give teenage boys such a hard time, at your age.”

Sachiko waved a hand towards her husband, “Oh, you big kidder. It’s just that she reminds me so much of my senpai in high school, Atsuko. She was quite the young firestarter with the boys. I hope her daughter No-chan grew into a fine woman.”

Sachiko wandered out into the engawa and was knocked out of her reverie. She sighed upon seeing her garden, its quiet splendor currently ruined by a three speed bicycle in her koi pond, the handlebars and cute basket sticking up out of the water.

“Another one? That’s the third one this month! Oh, just looking at it makes my lumbago act up,” she moaned.

Sachiko turned back toward the front of the house, rubbing her lower back.

“Going to my appointment early dear. Call Cologne and tell 'er to get her great-granddaughter over here so she can get her property... again.”

“Yes, dear,” he replied, turning the page of the newspaper.

As she walked towards the clinic, Sachiko was grateful the late morning wasn’t too chilly.

Sachiko thought to herself, “Hopefully Dr. Tofu will see me early today, my back is killing me. Maybe I’ll feel good enough to get the Saotome girl on the way back from school as well.” She laughed to herself as she turned to enter the clinic, only to see a young woman open the door to exit.

“K-K-Kasumi!”

“Oh, Good morning Mrs. Nishimura.” The eldest Tendo daughter said with a pure smile, “I was just returning some books I borrowed from Dr. Tofu. Are you here to visit him?”

“No! Well, I-uh, I thought I was, but I _just_ remembered my appointment is tomorrow! Well, have a good day young lady.” Sachiko said as she backed away and ran with the energy of a woman half her age.

“Oh my... She seems okay, though. Now to the market for tonight’s dinner.”

 

**Kasumi**

Kasumi was a fixture of the late morning shopping district. Every merchant had set their clocks by the youthful, radiant girl’s appearance. One a sunny, clear day like today, her presence was even more striking.

She passed through each of the shops needed for her daily shopping.

 

At the butcher's shop, she complimented the cuts of pork for sale.

"Here you go Kasumi, 1.5 kilos of ground pork!" The butcher said smiling as he placed a wrapped bundle on the counter. "You know Kasumi-chan, my son just got out of college. He's an engineer. You wouldn't be interested, would you?"

Kasumi laughed, "Oh Matsutomo-san, you say the funniest things. I appreciate the compliment though." Kasumi grabbed her parcel and walked off.

She said hello to old Jiro, the fishmonger, as she arrived. Her smile touched the man and his wife.

"You know Kasumi, Our eldest Chie is looking for a wife, and well we never judged her. Would be interested in coming to dinner one night with her? This week, perhaps?"

Kasumi smiled, "Oh no, I possibly couldn't this week! I'm too busy with the household. But thank you for the offer."

Kasumi waved and Jiro and his wife sighed.

"Well, I guess we'll try that Kuonji girl, she's about as straight as the octopus."

Kasumi walked by the bakery. She felt guilty stopping by, but Kasumi never had the time to make anything like this at home. And the owner was so nice to her.

Walking in, she saw the owner at the register. She was young, maybe twenty-five at the oldest. Tall and just a bit chubby, with long toned arms. Her long black hair was tied under a bandanna. The owner at first started saying "Welcome", but paused and said "K-k-kasumi!"

"Oh hello, Takako."

Takako looked around nervous, growing flush. She started wiping her face hoping to brush off any flour that still stuck to her face. "H-how are you today? You look gorgeous. I mean stunning. I mean, uh, good. I love your dress."

Kasumi smiled and let out a light giggle, "Thank you! You're always so nice to me."

"N-no problem! Wha, what can I get you?" Takako asked, leaning onto the counter on her elbows and placing her head in her hands, looking up at Kasumi.

"Oh, I shouldn't," Kasumi said, giving Takako a warm smile, "but I saw your shop and I just had to get some cream puffs if you have any."

Takako was slightly entranced by Kasumi's words and she stared off for a moment after Kasumi spoke before she realized the silence and caught herself from face planting on the count.

"Of course! Anything for you, Kasumi! How, how many?"

"Oh maybe enough for two, perhaps?" Kasumi thought, thinking her father may want some.

"F-for two?" Takako confirmed, thinking of taking Kasumi in the back and having tea together,

"Well..." Kasumi said, giving off another warm smile at the baker. "Now that I think about it I really should get some for the others. Just make it an even dozen"

Takako nodded. "Oh! Oh, of course." She nodded and began placing the pastries in a box." She placed the box on the counter.

"There you are. And an extra just for you."

"Oh, how kind of you."

"Hey Kasumi, are, are you free for... " Takako looked around, "I'd like to take you out on a date."

"Oh! That does sound good. It's been a long time since I've gone out for fun with a girlfriend."

"G-g-girlfriend!?" Takao turned red and asked hopefully as Kasumi paid her..

"Oh yes, It's been a while since I've been out with the girls, had a nice time, and talked about life. It would be nice, but... I'm just so busy, I don't think I have any time to hang out."

Takako's face fell. "I see... have a good day, Kasumi."

Kasumi waved and went off.

"Haaaa..." Takako sighed plaintively.

Kasumi walked towards the greengrocer with a light humming. Suddenly, she felt a small gust of wind pass by her.

"Oh, my!"

She stopped for a second to see what it was, but finding nothing, went along her way.

She heard a loud alto scream, “What do you mean you’re out of cabbage!?”

 

**Konatsu**

The kunoichi stormed out of the vegetable merchant’s store with her hand on her face.

“Ukyo-sama is going to scold me, nono... _murder_ me if I can’t get any cabbage for the okonomiyaki!”

Kontasu ran up and down the neighborhood, visiting all three vegetable stands in the shopping district, the supermarket at the far end of town, and even the twelve convenience stores in the ward.

“Why the heck does nobody have any cabbage!? Did a plague of hamsters roll through town?” Konatsu yelled to herself. "Think Think... where the hell can I find cabbage?"

Panicking, Konatsu found herself in front of a bookstore. She ran in, trying to find a phone book, but instead found a book on botany. Opening it, she found an entry for cabbage. She read it aloud softly,

“Cabbage, or brassica oleracea, is a member of the larger Brassicaceae family which includes vegetables such as broccoli, brussel sprouts, kohlrabi, kale, and cauliflower.”

She closed the book and said... “I got it.”

About twenty minutes later, Konatsu carted a large crate of somewhat browned and yellow vegetables back to Ucchans. There was only a light stink of sulfur coming from the vegetation. She passed by a large red mailbox in front of a music store.

“Hmm, must be new. Never seen it around here be-” Konatsu suddenly stopped and set down the crate. She pulled out two kunai from seemingly nowhere.

“...you,” Konatsu said, her lilting mezzo-soprano voice dripping with acid.

 

**Tsubasa**

The mailbox sprouted a head which, while sporting beautifully tended to long dirty-blond hair and expertly made up face, emanated malice.

“....you....” Tsubasa replied in his own alto as perhaps the two most femme people in the ward stared each other down.

The street was silent as the passerby were unsure of what to make of the scenario, which had the makings of a Mexican standoff. If Mexican standoffs contained involved rotting produce and the Japanese Postal service.

Finally the tension broke.

“Hmmph!” they declared as they huffed and went their separate ways.

Tsubasa hopped down the street muttering to himself.

“Damn that sissy ninja. How dare she get in between me and my love! Oh well, no time to think about that now, I need to pick up supplies.”

Trudging down the street, Tsubasa ended up at a large store in a street corner.

_  
Matahari's Costume Emporium_

_Established Taisho 8_

Tsubasa felt as though he was coming home as he entered the shop. Breezing quickly past the halloween and cosplay garb for the casuals, Tsubasa made his way to the more esoteric outfits.

A reflection of red, white and chrome caught his eye. On the side a familiar blue circle with bubbles was placed with the word "Calpis" in black and a comforting modern serif font.

"Well, it's an oldie, but goodie. It'll do." Tsubasa said placing the costume on.

"Excellent, lad! You always looked good in metallic colors!" The owner said.

"Is Yuki in? I'm gonna go down to say hi,"

"Well, he's a bit busy and-"

"I'll be quick."

"Wait! I wouldn't-" The owner stopped as Tsubasa bounced away and walked down towards the basement of the store.

Tsubasa opened the door and walked down just in time to hear a voice coming from the middle of the room. It was a walking, talking version of the Hachiko statue.

"And the last rule of Mascot Club is... if it's your first time, you have to fight."

Tsubasa paused as all of the costumed figures turned to him. He blinked, the light reflecting off the eye slits built into the vending machine coin slots.

"Motherfucker," he said to himself as a seven foot tall Tokyo Tower charged towards him.

An hour later, a mostly full wastebasket stumbled out of Matahari's Costume Emporium. It could be heard groaning in pain.

"I'm gonna feel that in the morn-" Tsubasa paused as he saw a pink blur run towards him.

“Etienne!” the girl hugged the wastebasket as Tsubasa jumped out and ran for his life.

 

**Azusa**

Azusa Shiratori looked amazed as some gross person jumped out of her beloved Etienne. The distraction was short lived as she admired the object of her desire. It's ribbed surface, giving the structure extra strength, it's dull reflective aluminum, the way it smelled faintly of overripe bananas...

"Hmm, it is odd this scroll tells us to watch out for the next stoplight... From whence did you acquire this, whelp?" Someone in the distance asked haughtily, their face pored over a scroll.

"I-I was told it was an ancient scroll that would, would teach you unbeatable techniques you can use on Sao, Saotome! I found, found it at an antique shop!" 

"Hmph." Kunou said, "Well let's continue. Whelp, please dispose of my beverage." Kunou threw an empty can of coffee at Hikaru who, looking around, quickly deposited it in the half-full wastebasket that was in the middle of the sidewalk. 

Azusa looked on with horror as the very ugly, shriveled boy besmirched her beloved. "Excuuuuuuse me!" Azusa yelled. "How _dare you_ sully my gorgeous Etienne?"

"Uhhh, what the heck're you talking about?" Gosunkugi asked.

"I said, 'WHY DID YOU DIRTY UPMYDARLINGETIENNEYOUMON-" Azusa stopped when she saw a saw a finger lightly shush her.

"Fairest maiden, I do not wish to intrude upon your rightful lambasting of this servant of mine, but I must insist you leave now. We are too busy to deal with the local rabble, even one such as beauteous as yourself."

Azusa felt a sensation kick in and her sharpie hand began to tingle.

"Oh, is that how it is, ugly?" She said, looking straight at Kunou. Kunou was taken aback slightly.

"I say, you are rather fairer with your mouth shut."

Azusa Shiratori let out a smile "Azusa may not be on the ice, but Azusa is good with a set of blades. Maurice! Fleur!" She called out as she produced to switchblades with carved ivory handles.

Gosunkugi immediately broke into a run. Kunou stood back for a second, readying his shinai, until it was sliced into a few pieces by the knives and he too ran away.

"Come back! Azusa still needs to kick your ugly butts a lesson!"

As the wastebasket stood there, a city worker came by.

"What the heck? Who left this here? Good thing garbage day is running late." He hefted it and began walking to his truck

Azusa came running back.

"Wait! Etienne!" She cried as the wastebasket was unceremoniously tossed into the back of the garbage truck.

"Look missy, next time place your trash in the designated areas, okay?" The city worker hopped back on the truck and sped off.

Azusa was sad as Etienne was taken away from her. She did not know when she would find a source of beauty and sweetness and cuteness and light and...

Azusa’s eyes widened as the unbearably cute sight overtook her senses.

“Oscar!”

 

**Genma**

The middle-aged master of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, currently a 190 centimeter tall panda, looked behind him upon hearing a young girl yell out. He pondered where he had heard that name before. He also wondered what was making that light, very fast pitter patter sound.

Genma’s eyes widened as recognition hit him.

“OH NO!” said the sign he quickly raised and threw at the figure skater as he bolted.

Azusa, her face reddened from the wooden sign to the face was undeterred. She followed Oscar undeterred.

Running into the alley, Genma briefly considered the Umisenken, but was saved by an unattended cup of coffee.

“Ow” he muttered as he stopped and turned around.

“Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Gross Old Man, have you seen Oscar?”

"No. No panda’s here.... try the abandoned construction site.... yes, near the rusty I-beams and discarded rebar...” Genma nodded sagely. Azusa leaned up towards Genma on her tiptoes. The old man felt sweat gather under his bandana.

Just for a brief moment, he spied in her eyes a twinge or twinkle and Genma dryly swallowed

“ooh! Okay!" Azusa yelled out, her hands raised in excitement. "Do you think he’s where I found Robespierre?”

Genma rubbed his neck. “Uh, sure, kid. Whatever.”

Azusa skipped away, humming a light tune.

“What is wrong with the youth of today, I tell you,” Genma shook his head and muttered as he walked to the sidewalk. He arrived just in time to be splashed by an errant car as it drove over a deep puddle.

“OF COURSE” - said the sign produced by Genma.

As Panda-Genma neared the clinic he saw the young doctor dance by, holding a model skeleton with him. Genma shrugged and entered the empty building and set about heating a kettle. He mused to himself.

“That was a pretty good tango. Betty can sure lead.”

 

**Dr. Tofu**

Outside, down one of the Furinkan’s main pedestrian thoroughfares, Ono Tofu jumped high into the air.

“Wahoo!”

Tofu ran through the outskirt of Furinkan and was almost to Kami-Itabashi when a voice cried out from a window!

“Doctor! Doctor Tofu! Please help!"

Tofu stopped and looked upwards, his glasses clearing up.

"It’s my daughter! She’s fallen ill!”

Tofu nodded and said, "Right away!" Tofu ran upstairs and into a small apartment where he saw a small girl being held up  in a seated position by her mother., The girl looked faint.

“I need a basin of cold water and a washcloth for a compress!” Tofu called out. He turned to the mother and asked. "What's wrong"

"My little one, since the morning has been weak, vomiting, and been jittery."

" I̸̛̛̱͕͓̘͈̲̒̊̀͂́͡͞ Ş̴̛̭̫̘̥̺͊͛̇̐̽͆͒̕Ḩ̵̣͍̩̻̗͓̰̆͊̍̓͟͠Ǎ̸̢̟͍̥̝͚̂͛̾͌̚͘͟͞͡L̴̨̨̛̛̻̹̝͉̻͊͆̅̑̋͛͗͘L̴̡̹̗̻̲͂̇̓̈́̕͞͠ͅ H̸͕̩͍̪͕̟̜̹͚̓̎͂̐͂́̌̔̚Ȃ̶̰̼̟̣̘͓̘̇͂̊͋̈́V̛͈͉̪͉̫̪̰̝͎͐̾̿̾́̚͝͡ͅE̛̲̺͓͚̝͍͍̊͋̆͊͘ͅ T̷̥̹̝͙̳͉̪̱͕̈̍̌̈́͆͢͡H̡̛̯͈̣̦̻̓͌̊̒̽̅̎͝E̷̹͖̺̘̲̿͆̊̐̀͗̀͌͢͜ͅͅ B̢̡̧̛͉̻͑͆̉̚͢L̸̨̥͓͓̖̭̃̑͛͝͠O̤͇̯͚̦̠̳̞͐̒̈̄̄̑̋̓͛̚O̘͇̗̟͉̐̉͋͋̑̕ͅͅD̶̨̛͖̞̭̩̭̣̞̊̇̈́̂̾̓͝ Ö̸͖̼̳͚̯͍͖̗́̉̄͑̈́͋͝ͅF̶̦̟̲̖̣͒̈̽̈̄ T̨̥͈̳̟̜̝͍̰̆̐͒̌͒̇͒̎̈͒Ḩ̝̜̟͉͑̃̌̂͌̚Ę̙̣͉͍̱̬̱̻̋͗̓̈̔͐͘͢ Ū̷̢̲͇̻͕̜͋̃͑̈̉̎͝͞͡ͅŅ͙͚̟͚̼̮͇͌̓̅̐̓͡͡T̸̜̝͕̤̣͌̐́͌̀̾͞͠A̶̯̫͍͚͋̿̑͘͢I̶̧̳̗̫̜͌̈́̋̇̊̇N̝̤̱̔̽̎̂̏̈̎͜͜͡͞T͚͚͍̠̯̩́͂͌͠Ȩ̲͕̦̺̫̔́͊̎͋͐̓D̴̛̺̲̙͉͔͌͂̿͂͂!̪̹̘͌͛̾̔̈̆̚͢"

"That too, lots of low-voiced eerie screaming."

Tofu looked concerned. "Demon possession is a bit above my paygrade... well I can just bill it as "salmonella poisoning" on the insurance." He rolled up his sleeves.

The possessed child flew out of her mother's arms.

" F̸̝̙̩͉̫͍͕̃͌̽̈́̕͟Ṙ̴͚̘̘̭̦̥̭͓̮̿̀̓͆̚͘͟Ę̷̞̣͉̼̻̳͐̋͒̐̄́̒ͅS̷̨̗͕̱̮̥̯̦͋̏̉̊̓̆̏̕͞͝Ḥ̸͖̖̝̝͖͚̎͌͐̆̊͟͠ M̵̛̤̲̪͔͙͔̠͖͓̣̂̿̿͘͡͞Ȇ̵͈̻̹̬̙̲͉̪̖͛͘͠͞͝À̠̩͕͍͇̀̿̊͑̔͒̔̓T̷̟̦̻̙͙͐̈́͗̈̌͐ F̷̨̧͙̞̻̥̝̊̓͐̒̚͠͞ͅO̴͖͍͈͕͑͋̈́̆́ͅŖ̴̛̯̣̞̰̼̘̜̫̂̀͗̄͆̕͢͡ Ţ̷̧̯͔̖͖̤̆̌̈́̐͋̓͌̀͋͢H̷̡͎̗̺̣̊̎̍̚͜͝Ȩ͇͉̪͎͕̋̎̔̌͝͞ͅ Ṗ̧̨̛͔͚͓̯͂̏̈́̈̄͑͟͠Y̢̞̯̪̪̘̹͍̽͂̓̅̏̈̕͠ͅR̶͍̰̳̼̹̪̜̊̓̉̅̿͊̚E̷̢̠̘̅̓͗̀̽͘̕͟͢͠.͇̟̼̯̣͖̜̫̿͐̈́̌̾̃̚͢"

Tofu stood and took on a meditative stance. "This would be quicker if I had any mugwort... Ah well." He raised a fist, jutting out the knuckles on his first two fingers.

"FIST OF CASSIOPEIA" he called out as he began rapidly punching the possessed girl's body in several spots, letting out high pitched kiais with every strike.

The body flew jerkily across the apartment before it fell, separating itself from an angry black fog. Tofu, swiftly jumped up and caught the girl, laying her on the ground.

The young girl slowly came to and coughed. "Owie... why do I have a bruise that looks like a 3?"

Tofu was about to explain when the girl's father cried out.  “Oh, thank goodness! My little Kasumi! You’re all right!”

“K-Kasumi...” Dr. Tofu began jumping and dancing manically once more.

 In his reverie, he knocked the basin of water out of the window...

 

**Shampoo**

"RRROWR!!!" a cat screeched below the window.

"Does _anybody_ put water down the sink in this stupid country!?" Shampoo thought to herself as she sauntered down the alley.

Shampoo had just finished a delivery on the edge of the Nekohanten’s delivery radius, in Suginami Ward, when the cold liquid fell on her head. The result was that, after being hit with water, she was faced with a long walk back home.

Shampoo sighed. While her cat form was useful as a means of reconnaissance, she could only run at about half of her top speed and roof hopping was all but impossible. She was also vulnerable to other animals, as a run-in with a strange black and white dog a while ago had taught her.

One perk of being a cat, though, was that it gave her time to think since, unable to hold conversation with other people as a cat, she didn’t have to spend so much time getting her words right.

"Stupid country... why the hell did I let myself get roped into this bullshit? If I knew it would land me into this much trouble I’dve let Airen and that Panda eat the tournament prize and stayed home. Gods help me today, for the love of all that’s good."

Shampoo sauntered down the back alley of suburban Tokyo, her thoughts repeating over and over again, until she heard some yowling. Shampoo perked her ears. She was unsure if she could believe her ears, but she heard a conversation up ahead.

“We got the toms cowed, Elder.”

“Excellent Mimi. They will learn to submit to Ameowzon authority!”

Shampoo blinked. Granted, even if she was technically a cat some of the time, she hadn’t exactly socialized with them. Only her unwilling husband had the luxury of socializing with others in his cursed form, she grimly noted. Still, she crept up to see the scene. She poked her head from behind a lamppost to view.

Near a garbage deposit station for the residential black, Shampoo counted about 1 dozen cats, all female. At the centered a large, ancient looking calico cat sat on top of a discarded cardboard box.

A small orange cat approached the calico and bowed her head.

“Elder Coco, we have secured the alley behind the fishmonger, but outsider she-cats have been testing our warriors.”

“Fools. They will soon learn their place. Add an additional security detail and make sure that any opposition is crushed. Is that clear, Chibi?”

The orange cat bowed her head again, “As you wish honored elder.”

Shampoo sat back and was shocked. Still... great-grandmother had taught her that opportunities were rare. She collected herself, licked her paws, and strode out over towards the crowd.

The other cats looked at the white and purple cat approaching them confused.  They began to face her, teeth bared, tails stock straight, and mewling ominously.

“Please, honored tribe, I beseech thee.” Shampoo said, thankful her “Cat-speak” was more eloquent than her Japanese.

“Who are you? Some stray, unused to the harsh world without being pampered by your owner?” A tuxedo-cat scoffed.

“I am Shampoo, great-granddaughter of Cologne, of the Joketsuzoku. And I have a proposition, honored Elder.”

“I’ve never heard of any cats by those name.”

“I am not from this neighborhood, or nay, even this country, honored Elder. My clan hails from China.”

“Hmm? Is that so? I must say your approach feels very... human.”

Shampoo winced, but nodded, “You are very perceptive honored elder. I am no ordinary cat. I am a human who comes into this shape from time to time. You all have an Amazon spirit, even if your form is not recognizably such to others. I only beseeched you all to ascertain if you would like power greater than controlling a neighborhood’s worth of fish.”

“What are you implying, half-cat?” the elder spoke, with a trace of snarl, her tail stretching up.

“I wish to offer you a chance to compete with the humans of this world. Show them that females of any species are superior!” Shampoo was internally nervous. Cologne hadn’t given her much training in foreign affairs, particularly since the Amazon idea of foreign affairs typically meant razing villages to the ground.

“And how would you do that?”

“I can acquire the water that make one a human female, just as I was exposed to the water that makes me a cat.”

She could hear several of the cats scoff. How she recognized it as such still made her head dizzy.

“And why should we believe you? What do you wish for in return?”

Shampoo was again impressed.

“You know us humans too well, Elder. I can bring tribute later. However, you are correct, there is one matter, a small matter which is keeping me and my kin here. If you assist me in it, we will leave and give you the means to establish yourself here and gain power. You would also have the support of my kin and the Joketsuzoku Amazons.”

A few cats began yowling out loud, mockingly. However the large cat raised a paw and all were hushed.

“Shampoo of the Joketsuzoku. We shall consider your offer. While I am proud of our efforts here, I sense a greater destiny awaits us. Where shall we find you?”

“If you wish to take me up on your offer, My great-grandmother and I will be at the Nekohanten in Furinkan.” Shampoo bowed.

“Very well then. Off with you.”

Shampoo scampered off. If this gambit paid off, she’d have Ranma in her hands and about a dozen grateful fighters as a personal army. Shampoo wandered the Suginami shopping district, hoping to find hot water. If she hurried, she might come back with a large fish to sweeten the deal.

“Arf! Arf!” Shampoo, looked back to see a familiar black and white dog.

“Aiya, it’s that’s stupid mutt again! Why can't it leave me alone!”

“Arf! Arf! Arf!”

“Aiyaaah!” Shampoo yowled as she darted her way back home.

 

**Shirokuro**

“RYEEOOOOW” the white and purple cat exclaimed as it sped off.

“Wait! Where are you going, Shampoo?” Shirokuro yelled. The cat finally gained some ground and  jumped over a fence, leaving the less physically gifted dog in the dust.

“Awww...” Shirokuro whined before licking her paw. “I’m never gonna find Master Ryouga. Why do all his friends hate him?”

Shirokuro sniffed the sidewalk as she walked around. "I guess that one human with the red hair doesn't. They even go through the trouble of changing their scent around him."

Shirokuro dug at some nearby dirt. "I wonder if she wants puppies?" Shirokuro thought. "I mean that's why she's always in heat, right?" She stopped considering it when she spied a familiar presence walking down the streets, laden with goods.

"BORF BORF!" Shirokuro cried out.

"Oh my, it's you" The voice said, with a happy smile. "You're wandering around again, doesn't your Master get worried? You're such a good girl, after all." The young woman reached down and patted Shirokuro's head.

"Aww, don't mention it Kasumi. You're a good girl, too!" Shirokuro thought to herself as she wagged her tail.

Kasumi kneeled down and placed a bag under Shirokuro, who took it in her mouth.

"Good girl! I hope you share those now!"

Shirokuro gave a light "borf" behind closed teeth as she nuzzled Kasumi, before letting the young human woman head home.

Shirokuro wandered past the gates of Furinkan High. She was dejected upon not finding her master once more, but she was at least grateful for the bag of snacks for her and her puppies.

 

**Hiroshi and Daisuke**

Two teenage boys, in school uniforms of dark slacks and white button shirts looked at the checkered dog with the bag in its mouth.

“Hey Hiro, look at the funny looking mutt,” The slightly taller one with straight hair noted.

“Looks familiar, Dai. I feel like I saw it on TV once.” The slightly shorter one with curly hair replied.

After seeing the dog walk away, the duo turned back to facing the school and looked at the clear blue sky.

“Man, you ever feel like you’re a minor character in your own life?” Hiroshi asked.

“Always. Well, I guess we can look on the bright side... it’s like that play we read last year. Hamlet. We can be like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Like nobody cares about them but all the main characters die, so who cares?”

“You’re an idiot Daisuke. Those two are the first to die after that old fart Polonius!”

“Oh... nevermind then.” Daisuke flipped a coin. "Heads."

"But yeah, it's kinda the pits, Dai." Hiroshi sighed. "We've been relegated to second class characters anyone can just ignore."

Daisuke caught his coin. “Could be worse, Hiro. I mean, we could be the idiots that Ranma and the others beat up week in and week out.”

Hiroshi shuddered at the thought.

 

**Villain Anonymous Support Group**

“Meoooooooow'll right then, this week’s Villain of the Week Anonymous, Nerima Chapter is now in session,” Maomolin uttered as he banged a gavel twice.

“Why did you bring so many cabbages, Picolet?” Mikado Sanzenin asked, shaking his head.

“I was peckish on the way over,” The aristocratic gentleman grabbed three heads of cabbages and casually threw them into his mouth, as one would a handful of popcorn.

“Oh, that is just gross! ” The Gambling King averted his eyes.

“I’ve seen pythons with better table manners!” The Dojo Destroyer added.

“So.... this isn’t speed dating?” Price Touma asked.

“Ugh, this is pathetic! _Genma Saotome_ has more dignity than you assholes!” Ryu Kumon stomped out muttering, “can’t fucking believe I let Herb talk me into this bullshit.”

Walking out the door Ryu bumped into a figure. "Watch where'ya goin, asshole!"

"Foul cur! It is you who should watch for the presence of one such as I!."

Ryu felt his right eye twitch, "Ya sure you're not s'posed ta be upstairs?" He shrugged, "The hell with it. KIJIN RAIJUU DAN!" Ryu Kumon bolted forwards towards Tatewaki Kunou and his spindly assistant Hikaru Gosunkugi who began screaming in a high pitched voice.

**Yuka and Sayuri**

The bitter young man stormed out of the small office building that faced Furinkan High, leaving two unconscious bodies in his wake. Two female students peered past the gate to ogle at the muscular, dangerous looking fighter.

“Ooh who’s the hottie leaving the building and kicking Kunou's ass?” Sayuri asked no one in particular

“Um, I think that was that guy who pretended to be Ranma,” Yuka answered.

“Oh yeah..." Sayuri said before raising her hands to her face dramatically and sighing. "Why can’t there be more boys like Ranma? Well Ranma without all the baggage."

“Yeaaah...” Yuka nodded.

“What I would do with that slab of man in a dark alley.”

“And that girl form of his with the perfect boobs and thighs that can break melons....”

 “Yeah..." Sayuri paused and looked at Yuka. "Wait, what?”

"What?"

"You just said-"

Yuka looked stone-faced. “I said nothing. Nothing at all.”

Sayuri looked blankly at Yuka. “Ooookay.”

“Oh, that’s the bell! Back to class!” Yuka said as she ran off towards their class.

Sayuri stood there processing the recent revelation. "Maybe I can set her up with my cousin Mariko," Sayuri thought as she walked back to class.

 

**Gosunkugi Hikaru & Tatewaki Kuno**

Hikaru and Tatewaki slumped towards the school grounds. Hikaru opened the scroll again and, with newfound excitement ran off towards an open field.

"Kunou, Sir! I think, I think I found the spot indicated by the scroll!"

Tatewaki Kunou came towards Gosunkugi who stood in the center of an open clearing.

"Hmm." Kunou took the scroll. " 'When the White Genbu emerges from the left and the sun has just started its descent towards the west'..."

Kunou stood and turned his body to look at the school. " 'Stand facing the Genbu and await enlightenment.'... I wonder perhaps how long I needst be patient."

Looking into the window, Tatewaki saw two familiar faces.

 

**Nabiki**

“There you go, Ms. Hinako. Your truant rube.”

The young girl in a skirt suit opened the window and extended a hand out that held a coin.

“Delinquent!”

Nabiki smiled as she heard Tatewaki scream in pain. She had been planning this moment for weeks. She’d been working on Japanese entrance exams, but her dream was to attend school in America, not just because of the price tag an Ivy League Degree can bring in Japan, but also because she swore to herself that she would get as far away from her family and Nerima as possible before she, to use the technical term, ‘goes completely apeshit’.

Part of applying to American schools though, is the faculty recommendation. While she could get two other teachers to fill it out, it would be a pain to translate the two letters into English from Japanese for the school. Hinako, being the English teacher could just write the damn letter herself, but getting her to do anything that serious while in her child body was akin to pulling teeth and, while Nabiki had the petty cash to afford to splurge on candy and ice cream, she’d rather save it for her own purposes.

“Okay teach, I told you about the recommendation form for Yale, Columbia, Harvard, and my safety school, Dartmouth. Can you fill them out now?”

Ms. Hinako adjusted her clothes, straightening them out in her new form. “Of course Ms. Tendo. I’d be happy to write you a shining recommendation. You’re one of our top students. And quite industrious. However, I have one condition.”

Nabiki raised an eyebrow, “What is it, Ms. Hinako.”

“Can you get your father to reconsider? I would love to take him to Giancarlo in Roppongi. It’s about the only palatable Italian restaurant in the whole country.  Dim lighting, mood music. It’s... quite romantic.”

Nabiki sighed internally, but maintained her poker face. She smiled slightly. “Well... he's kind of a homebody... If you don't mind him hosting you at home, I think that can be arranged." Nabiki checked her watch. "For right now, in fact.”

"Perfect."

**Mousse**

Mousse ran around the streets to the south of Furinkan looking around.

"Shampoo my love? Where did you go?" Mousse sighed and muttered to himself. "The old ghoul's gonna blame me if she doesn't come back from that last delivery soon. She still has to get her backup bicycle from the old lady's place..."

In his thoughts, he felt himself bump into something with his leg. He looked down and said, "a leprechaun?" When it started crying, Mousse adjusted his glasses and realized he bumped into a young girl.

"Oh gods, I'm so sorry." Mousse said, but the young girl, probably no older than seven, kept crying. Looking around, he saw passersby begin to gather and give Mousse disapproving looks.

"Uh... uh... here!" Mousse said, reaching into his sleeves and pulling out confetti and fake flowers.

"Ta... ta-da...." Mousse squeaked weakly. The girl grew silent and, after a beat, began clapping.

Mousse sighed in relief until he heard the crowd clap. Nervously, he nodded to the crowd.

 "Do another one!" A voice somewhere said.

Mousse looked around at the blurry crowd. He placed a hand behind his head.

"Um, okay..."

He began performing an act he learned as part of the traveling circus ruse he used ages ago. From his sleeves and elsewhere on his person, balloons, streamers, doves, even a circus ball that Mousse jumped on and began doing tricks on, producing large rings and one by one, linking, then unlinking them. Finally, he jumped off the circus ball and said to the small girl.

"A parting gift, as forgiveness."

Mousse reached into the sleeve, but couldn't find the teddy bear he saved for Shampoo. He began to see what he felt was a sea of expectant stares from the crowd. In panic, he produced a familiar object he usually used for close quarters combat.

The young girl looked at the swan-faced object. "Huh?"

The crowd looked confused until an middle-aged woman in the crowd yelled, "Hey that's gross! What are you trying to pull!?"

Mouse could only gulp, "Whoops?" as the crowd descended on him.

Mousse staggered home, resting heavily on a walking staff.

“What a day... Just need a hot bath and I’ll be-”

Approaching the Nekohanten, he saw around a dozen cats waiting patiently by the front entrance.

“What the hell are all these cats doing outside the restaurant?” He wondered as he absently waved to the woman walking by.

**Ms. Hinako & Soun**

The doorbell Rang and Soun, being alone in the house opened the Door.

"Ah. Ms. Hinako! Looking... yourself today." Soun said politely who trying not to stare. _You fool! You know the trap here. So what if this is the first woman not related to you or married to your best friend that has taken an interest, you've been down this road before!_

"Yes, I hope I'm not intruding."

"No,no! Not at all." Soun said. "In fact, I've been expecting you to come. Nabiki said this was a parent-teacher conference, but she didn't explain the champagne and oysters in the kitchen..."

 Ms. Hinako leaned close to Soun. "Well I did wish to talk, but not as teacher and parent... I suspect the champagne was to lighten the mood and the oysters are meant for you to... be ready for a long night."

Ms Hinako began slowly unbuttoning the top button of her blouse. Initially Soun began looking for an escape somewhere, but as the blouse opened up, just a bit, his vision blurred. Soun finally gave in and leaned into a kiss before stopping. Soun felt a sudden emptiness of ki and he opened his eyes. He was now face to face with the apparent child form of Ms. Hinako in front of him.

"Aaaah! I need an adult..." Ms Hinako said as she ran off.

“Oh, I'm going to need a belt and a smoke." He considered a moment, looking down, "probably a cold shower as well."

**Ukyo**

“Huh, wonder what the heck those cats were doing at the Nekohanten... Oh well”

As she entered her own restaurant, she was hit with a deathly smell. Patrons were lying half-dead on the floor.

At the griddle, Konatsu, wearing a gasmask was griddling discolored disks of... melted tires? Elephant dung? Whatever it was, it wasn't okonomiyaki

"Oh Ms. Ukyou! You're back!" Konatsu cried as she threw the green-brown-yellow okonomiyaki away. "The shops were all out of cabbage and I tried my best but..."

“KO. NA. TSU!!!!!!!” Ukyou cried out as pulled Konatsu across the counter, over the grill and began choking out her assistant in frustration until the fumes overwhelmed her and they both passed out on the floor.

About half an hour later, Jiro the fishmonger and his wife came in.

"Listen Kuonji-san, we were wondering if..." They saw Ukyou passed out over Konatsu. His wife clicked her teeth, "damn. Well there's that Fujinami girl in Tomobiki. Ikuko likes the butch ones anyway."

 

**Cologne**

Cologne heard the faint cries of an okonomiyaki chef and chuckled to herself as she closed the storage room, making sure the loose heads of cabbage didn't fall out.

She also paused as Shampoo led about a dozen cats as they entered the Nekohanten.

"Shampoo? What in the world are you."

Shampoo the cat stopped and gave an explanation in meows before walking upstairs, the retinue of felines following.

"I didn't understand a damn word you said, child." Cologne said to herself as she hopped back to her usual place by the kitchen.

The matriarch and proprietor heard the door to the Nekohanten open and a particularly light set of footsteps could be heard, accompanied by a specific tapping.

“Ah, Miss Kunou," Cologne spoke after a drag of her pipe. "Here for the food or... my other wares?”

**Kodachi**

“Don’t patronize me, Elder. I would never lower myself to dining in such an..." Kodachi Kunou paused. "What's with these wretched felines? This has to be a health code violation. I scarcely want to think of the alternative..."

Cologne nodded. "It's a recent predilection of my great-granddaughter. Worry not."

Kodachi cleared her throat. "Well, anyway. I am here simply to replenish my stock of jima root and potency powder.”

"Ah yes, let me go in the back to see if we have any..." Cologne hopped in the kitchen still muttering to herself, "Been a while since I made a preparation of potency power... Only one who buys it is that panda and who knows what he does with it..."

As Cologne rifled through shelves in the other room, Kodachi began to feel the back of her throat itch. She cleared her throat again. Then she scratched at the outside of her neck before coughing. She felt her breathing grew a bit labored as her eyes began to want to blink more.

"P-Please Elder... I-I don't have the time to tarry here! *gasp*"

Kodachi's face began to grow noticeably red... and bumpy.. Her eyes watered and reddened as well.

"Patience young child. I swear the youth of today have to have everything now! I swear what with the walkmans and light-up shoes and the... I swear.."

Kodachi began to feel as though she needed to scratch the inside of her body.

"I can't take this! These... cretins are close to killing me with their dander!"

Cologne finally emerged with two plastic bags of herbs, handing them to Kodachi.

"Ah yes... well mugwort is a good aid for cat allergies... I believe you can get it fresh at that Saveco these days. Gods know I end up there more often than not when I’m out of hydrangea trimmings.”

“Well then, I’m off! Ohohoho-" Kodachi paused to let out a loud, booming sneeze and coughing fit. She stumbled out of the Nekohanten, letting in more cats as she flung a ribbon and threw herself into the afternoon sky.

**Ryouga**

Ryouga marveled at the enormity of the store he was in. He had heard that these “big box” stores had been coming over to Japan from the United States, but he never realized they would be quite this enormous in size. Ryouga was actually frightened he’d be lost in a place like this forever.

“Where the hell am I now!?” He cried out to the heavens.

“Saveco. Aisle 14. Incontinence and Feminine Hygiene products.”  A middle-aged man in beige pants, white shirt, and a red vest standing behind the lost boy politely responded.

Ryouga blushed heavily upon realizing his location. He averted his eyes from the products in stock. The clerk looked nonplussed.

“You lookin’ for Outdoor Equipment or something? You look like you camp a lot, kid.”

Ryouga gulped, “Um, yeah. Can you show me where that is?”

Ryouga wasn’t planning on it, but he figured he could probably use a new backpack as the one he owned, while made of durable canvas, was approaching five years of continuous use and abuse. It had served him well, but there was only so much patching one can do until it became useless.

Following the red-vested clerk closely he ended up in a aisle with tents, backpacks, coolers, air beds, folding chairs, portable meals, water purification tablets, outdoor wear and even outdoor recreation supplies like kayaks and whitewater rafts. Ryouga was in awe at the sheer number of things available for purchase.

That is until he got to the fishing equipment.

“How...” Ryouga’s mind reset as it fought to process what he saw. It was an entire aisle. Dozens, no hundreds, of distinctly colored and shaped fishing rods. A large banner above them proclaimed, “The hottest new toy! Straight from Korea!”

Ryouga shook his head as he saw the logo, a goldfish superimposed on a heart.

With the gravity of a Charlton Heston discovering the true identity of the Planet of the Apes, Ryouga uttered, “Oh, oh god, no. This can’t be happening...”

He saw two high school boys approach, laughing. One of them, who had short, curly hair eyed the fishing rods incredulously.

“What’s this bullshit?”

The other, with slightly longer, straight hair read the description.

“Koi Rod... huh, says if you touch the person you love with it they’ll fall in love with ya.”

“Hah! People will buy anything, huh Daisuke?”

“Yeah,” Daisuke grabbed one rod and tossed another to the other boy saying, “catch, Hiro.”

“Oh, I see. You want me to get one to use on Sayuri? Like she wouldn’t beat me up if I tried.”

“Well we can practice first, right? Like this?” Daisuke cast the rod at Hiroshi.

Ryouga tried to scream as he saw the arc of the line, but was too late as the suction cup hit Hiroshi on the lapel of his jacket.

“Huh, looks easy enough Dai.” Hiroshi cast his rod at Daisuke, missing the lapel, but hitting Daisuke’s forehead.

“Nice aim, William Tell.”

“Ha fucking ha, Dai...suke?” Hiroshi shook his head as he saw Daisuke give him a playful wink. He looked at Daisuke with serious eyes. For his part, Daisuke began slowly walking over to the curly-haired boy.

Ryouga ran away screaming as soon as he saw the two kiss each other while locked in a deep embrace.

"Ugh, I can't stand self-hating queers..." Hiroshi said, rolling his eyes.

**Akane & Ranma**

Akane Tendo and a damp Ranma Saotome walked home from school, admiring the late afternoon sky.

“Huh, I wonder what that screaming is.” Akane asked only to be answered by a shrug from Ranma.

"Not my problem." Ranma shrugged. “I guess everybody’s gotta story to tell, huh?” Ranma idly wondered, scratching her head.

Akane snorted, “If you’d stop being an egotistical jerk once in a while, you’d know the world doesn’t revolve around-”

“Ranma!”

“Airen!”

“Ran-chan!”

“Pig-tailed goddess!”

“Saotome, prepare to die!”

“Stay away from Shampoo!”

“For Ameowzon Honor!”

“You delinquent!”

“MEEEEEEYOOOOOW!”

“Sweeto!!”

Ranma looked at Akane, “you’re right, ‘kane. Everyone’s gotta story. There just ain’t time to hear ‘em all!” and ran off.

 

THE EN-

 

“Wait wait wait!!! I got held up feeding Midorigane!” Sasuke Sagakure jumped up and down.

“You forgot about me! I even have a title for my story. ‘Secret! Shadow! The Mysterious Ninja Sarugakure!’ Dah dadada dah! Dah! He’s small, but mysterious. Don’t underestimate... Huh...”

The diminutive shinobi sighed.

“Oh boy... That crocodile is gonna pay....”

 

The End


End file.
